Ugh, this week. I DO NOT LIKE THIS WEEK. There's good stuff happening besides the bad, but my mood's been down the drain for days so whatever, I still hate this week.

Good news first so I can remind myself:

I PASSED MY CIVIL LAW EXAM


which means


LAW SCHOOL ISN'T KICKING ME OUT


which... I don't think I mentioned on here, but they were going to kick me out if I didn't pass civil law. WHICH I DID, so hell yes. Oh this also means that I've passed my first year and electricwitch and I are now ~*classmates*~ lol. THIS SHOULD BE FUN.

Also good news is that I BOUGHT THIS BOOK AND IT IS AMAZING:



I don't think you can tell very well from this picture but this book is fucking MONSTROUSLY HUGE. It is also full of beautiful posters and nerdy background history about them and about early cinemas and film promotion and fnfa'sdgjhjsdk this is the kind of book that gives me nerdgasmic pleasure. Also the original price was €75 BUT I GOT IT NEW FOR €25. Fuck yeaaaaah. I am pleased.

On the downside though I'm probably being kicked out of the English faculty for failing at life and my classes (err for all you new frands: I am (soon to be 'was' lol D:) doing a full-time law BA and a full-time English BA.) Ngl it's pretty much my fault since I let my crazy ass sleeping problems and ADD get the better of me and never actually reported that I was having issues on time, so it looks really sketchy to come knocking with all this shit now that I've actually failed enough classes to be kicked out. IT STILL FUCKING SUCKS THOUGH, I really loved English. I guess this is what I get for being all "NO FUCK HELP I CAN FIX THIS MYSELF" lmao because I can't.

I talked to the English students advisor this morning and she basically said "sorry but you're fucked," though she did tell me to try pleading my case with one other person who miiiiight be able to keep me in (but probably not). I had to get up early this morning to go see her even though my sleeping has fucked up majorly again, and she already told me I'm fucked, so tbh the part where I burst into tears (and hopefully gain some sympathy) in that other person's office will probably come easy. fuuuu. I'm already embarrassed and it hasn't even happened yet.

Aaaand then there's the two months plus homicide thing which I don't think needs explanation as to why it's depressing.

The weather is nice though and at least I'm still a student SOMEWHERE? lol.

So after about five years of going "gosh I really should..." I finally read Coraline! I know I know, not like it's even long or anything but idk I just never got around to it ok! Having done so now though I feel that I should mention how it is BRILLIANT. ~*Special thanks*~ to my housemate Jonathan for letting me borrow his copy, because otherwise it would probably have taken another 5 years. Soo yes if any of you are even slower than me (doubtful!) and have not read Coraline yet, do it! Neil Gaiman is awesome and this book is proof.

I only just realised that I accidentally planned basically my entire week to consist of movie marathons with a bunch of different people, oops? I'm watching Bollywood films with my nan tomorrow, as-yet-undecided films with a friend on Wednesday, and having a Harry Potter marathon with friends on Thursday because they will be in Denmark when the next one comes out so they need to be ~prepared~. I was going to go to Denmark with them but then I was short on cash, plus the timing was bad. Sadface! Anyway I'm pretty okay with the film marathon week because even though the weather has been really really good lately, apparently a NEVERENDING THUNDERSTORM is about to start tomorrow, so I guess I'll be safely inside during that mess. This is good!

Also, I am still hung up on MJ. This is less good because it means I unleash my MJ-related emo on the world all the time because I am apparently incapable of shutting up, and I am probably boring people slowly to death with it. But WTF IT SUCKS SO BAD. This is seriously longer than I have ever been upset about anyone dying, including relatives of mine. That really kind of disturbs me idk but I can't stop being sad about it? fnas'dkg I don't know, have a damn video of him with a llama being cute because that is all I am good for right now


OKAY THE END. Cry.

Augh god I'm having a really bad headache right now. I just hope it's because of the warm weather or something, because otherwise it's probably due to the change in my sleeping pattern, which suggests that there will be more headaches in my near future (and frankly, fuck that!)

I've had a sleeping problem for just about as long as I can remember. I finally went to see a doctor about it this month, because after I moved out it escalated from really bad to unmanageable - I couldn't fall asleep before 6-6:30 am, but I couldn't wake up after less than 9 hours of sleep either, which left me with an actually really stable but REALLY FUCKED UP sleeping schedule. I have melatonin pills now, which I use to be able to fall asleep between midnight and 1 am, and I try not to sleep more than 9 hours a night. I've been continuously tired and kind of listless since I started nearly 2 weeks ago, but I'm honestly surprised I'm not feeling worse or having more difficulty keeping this up, since as far as my internal clock is concerned I'm suddenly getting up in the middle of the night all the time and going to sleep mid-afternoon. I just hope the headache isn't going to be a recurring theme, because HELL NO. Anyway yes, I just wanted to mention this here because it's kind of a big deal to me, and honestly I'm pretty proud of myself! I'd almost resigned myself to ending up as a night porter or some shit, but now it turns out I'm capable of fixing this!

In other news, I am still shockingly upset about Michael Jackson. I really don't know what happened there - I mean, I love his music and I've always been incapable of hearing sad life stories like his without getting way too upset, but his death has hit me waaaay harder than I would have expected. I can't get it out of my head, idk. It's really confusing to me to be this upset for this long. Blargh I don't know. Dammit MJ :(

Okay I am done with the emo talk now, promise! In happier news I went shopping with Renée today which was nice, even though I didn't buy anything downtown. The weather was nice and I saw lots of pretty things, so that was fine. We made an order off Modcloth when we got back though and I got REALLY BRILLIANT THINGS which I have been lusting after for months now:







Yay, pretty things \o/


Oh damn now they're showing really old MJ videos on tv and I'm all :((( again. OKAY OVER AND OUT before this post gets even whinier!

Oh man so many people read our ADIML that my photobucket account is now out of bandwidth?! Crazy! Well okay so it's either that or hotlinking, but obviously I prefer option one there. It's certainly making my LJ layout look interesting though. Anyway, photobucket tells me that all the pictures will be back up tomorrow so it is only temporarily tragic.

I was going to do a whole OMG BOB DYLAN, LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT BOB DYLAN, INTERNET LISTEN TO MY STORIES OF BOB DYLAN post today, but I feel kind of sick and crappy, so it will have to wait until I am not so insanely busy sitting on the couch and drinking tea and being nauseous and feeling sorry for myself. Blaarg.

Sooo until I can get my act together enough to do a proper Bob Dylan post, have an entirely unrelated but extremely awesome youtube video? Well I'm not sure it entirely counts as a video since it's just a static picture with a song playing, but it is about the song anyway so you'll just have to deal.



It is the Puppini Sisters covering Beyonce's Crazy in Love, and it is on my personal shortlist for best thing ever. WATCH IT YOU GUYS, I'M SERIOUS.

Okay I am going to drape myself over the sofa and look consumptive some more, bye guise

So I had this date planned where I was going to move to Leiden, right? It was all good, I felt awesome for having a set date and it was a safe distance away so I could get shit done. AND THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN THAT DATE WAS TOMORROW. TOMORROW, WTF

THIS IS WEIRD AND ALSO PACKING FUCKING SUCKS AND ARGH.

But I am moving, which is good. But it's also tomorrow which is... kind of less good considering how much I still have left to pack and how much I have no idea how to go about it (lol can you tell I have never moved before in my entire life?), and also how much of my room I haven't even finished painting yet. RAJ;SDLGKASGKFA;SDVLK

In conclusion: dear internet, if you feel like giving me some much needed emotional support through pretty pictures and videos and shit like that, I WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER. Am dying help meeeeeeee D:

Happy new year everyone! I hope 2009 will be extremely awesome and sexy for all of you.

Sadly and for some completely unknown-to-me reason - lol nevermind, I forgot that I have in fact not slept last night which explains things - I am currently in the least festive mood in the history of my life ever, so I'm contenting myself with, um, not going anywhere and not eating very much and staying in because I can't really be bothered to watch the fireworks in the street. I think I may even be at risk of going to bed before 2AM, which I don't even do on a regular day let alone a holiday. YOU GUYS WHAT HAPPENED AM I SUDDENLY 40 YEARS OLD?!

New Year's resolution: don't be this lame next year!

Er PS: I am not actually morbidly/terminally depressed even though this entry sounds like it! I'm just in more of a sleeping forever mood than a party mood. Tomorrow I will make up for it by eating everything I didn't touch today and um, watching films I think? So long as I can stay in my pyjamas I'm good.

Anyway yes, happy new year everyone, I hope you had/have fun celebrating and have an A+ year!

Urgh you guys, writing an end sprint fucking SUCKS.

Actually so does my entire novel D: D: D: D: I really have no words for how awful it actually is, haha D:

Problem: I still have 7000 words left to write before midnight November 30 - it's now technically already November 30 (lol hai self it's 5 AM, that's more than technically) and I will be spending the entire day at my cousin's birthday party which is two hours away from home, and damn it I will be SO UPSET if I fail to win by like a couple of thousand words. But at the same time, I'm really not sure how much more I can write tonight because... I'm pretty much dying. Uuugh.

Moral of this story: do not get sick during Nanowrimo! It fucking sucks and it will kill your wordcount. Surprise, or what? Also: do not try to write at 5 AM, because you will look over what you have just written and behold the words 'Buster Keaton' and think it says 'Kate Beaton' instead, and then you will panic because clearly you have gone insane and written an entire tangent about Kate Beaton in a novel set in the 1920s. Actually the moral of this story is do not participate in Nanowrimo if you are me or you will go insane? Idek. Fucking words, man D:

Man this sucks, I've been feeling sick and enormously tired for close to a week now. As a result my writing has also turned kind of tragic and probably awful to read, where it wasn't that bad before. Whatever, I can revise it later! I seriously need to keep writing, I'm not even at 25,000 yet D: (almost though, ha)

Anyway, remember how a million years ago, I promised to upload a couple of rare silent films? Today is the day where I go "oh hey, yeah, I did promise that" and so finally I present you with the first few! These are the ones that were most requested. The Love Expert is up next, and if there's anyone who hasn't seen the entry linked above before but wants to see one of the films in it, it is not too late! Drop me a comment and I'll make sure that film gets priority.

Now to the films! Disclaimer: the guy I bought them from told me they are all public domain, so this is not illegal. Also: you don't have to feel bad about downloading them! Clearly this is a win-win situation.

Alraune (1928):



Summary: Alraune is a 1928 silent science fiction horror film directed by Henrik Galeen and starring Brigitte Helm in which a prostitute is artificially inseminated with the semen of a hanged man. The story is based upon the legend of Alraune and the powers of the mandrake root to impregnate women. In this version the symbiosis caused by the sexual union between the human and the root causes the girl to kill all men who fall in love with her.

Download here.

Note: The guy I bought this film from was sweet enough to include the 1930 version as well, for free! It is a talkie and also stars Brigitte Helm, though the rest of the cast is different. I've also heard that it's not as good as the silent version, but if anyone wants to see it anyway... you know the drill!

-----

Black Oxen (1924):



Summary: The 1924 film "Black Oxen," with Clara Bow and Corinne Griffith, is a science-fiction movie, but is not immediately recognisable as such because the film emphasises ideas rather than sci-fi gadgetry. Lee Clavering is a handsome playboy in jazz-era Manhattan. In a nightclub, he meets a mysterious Austrian beauty named Madame Zatianny (Corinne Griffith) and he's instantly attracted to her. Clavering's older friends, Mrs Oglethorpe (Cara Bow) and her husband, are also intrigued by Mme Zatianny, because she is an exact double for Mary Ogden, a socialite of the 1890s who disappeared in Europe many years ago. But Mary Ogden would now be 58 years old, whilst Mme Zatianny is a young woman. Can she perhaps be Mary Ogden's daughter? (Protip: no! This is SF!) The film is not entirely complete, I think - I haven't seen it yet myself.

Download here.

-----

Fine Manners (1926):



Summary: Gloria Swanson plays a chorus girl named Orchid Murphy who meets a rich society man on New Year's Eve. They are instantly attracted to one another, but Swanson's thuggish brother doesn't like "swells." In order to get a dance with Swanson, O'Brien pretends to be a waiter. O'Brien falls for Orchid, but her brother constantly warns about playboys to don't marry chorus girls. So they device a plan to have Swanson live with the old gray aunt while O'Brien go to South America on business. During his absence she'll be turned into a "lady." On his return he funds the newly refined Gloria dull and lifeless. They almost lose each other but because of a clever trick, Swanson is able to save the day and the marriage.

Download here.

Oh my god, some Russian twat hacked the Shoebox community and deleted all the entries.

What the HELL, NOT ON



... Er. In other news: I am procrastinating on my Nano novel! Surely this is a bad sign. I've decided that clearly mid-November is the perfect time to fall in love all over again with both Buster Keaton and Vincent Price, so am now downloading millions of films and not doing much writing.


ILU VINCENT PRICE ♥


I have also developed an enormous need to reread all my Wodehouse novels, because... um, basically there can never be enough reading of Wodehouse novels. I wanted one of my MCs to buy a newt and name it Fink-Nottle, but it would be tragically anachronistic. Sadface!

Ughh, sorry guys, I have a whole slew of things I want to post about that are actually interesting, but for now I just want to get this off my chest:

MY STOMACH FEELS LIKE AN ALIEN IS EATING ITS WAY OUT OF IT. OR POSSIBLY PRACTISING ITS DECORATIVE KNOTTING TECHNIQUES ON MY INSIDES, I CAN'T REALLY TELL. BUT UH, PAIN.

ALSO SINCE IT IS 4AM NOW MY CIVIL LAW EXAM RESIT IS TECHNICALLY TOMORROW, AND UH, I HAVE NOT DONE ANYTHING. AND DID I MENTION THAT I MY STOMACH FEELS LIKE IT IS BEING EATEN? BECAUSE IT DOES.

Ugh I just want to go read smut or watch a film or something to distract me, but I get these STABBING PAINS that make me have to stop breathing for a bit and that kind of mars my enjoyment of, uh, everything in the world. I guess I'll go lie in bed and pretend like falling asleep is an attainable goal?

OK END OF WHINY POST. Fun stuff after Monday because I will be DONE WITH MY RESIT, hell yes.

Lol, restored from saved draft from Friday:

"Jesus sodding fuck I hate today. Vaguely want to cheer myself up with youtube kittens but I'm pretty sure that wouldn't work."

Pretty much holds up for today too! Actually Friday wasn't so bad, until I realised that I'd forgotten I was supposed to go over to Joshua's before toilet scrub duty at SSR, and he was of course angry. Also, as mentioned, I scrubbed toilets. Ergh. Had dinner at SSR with a friend though, which was nice.

Today sucks because it is the last day before my penal law exam and I have done basically nothing but desperately distract myself. I've seriously locked myself up in every room of the house with my books trying to concentrate, but to no avail. In the end, I just gave up and piled on the comfort food and youtube videos and Dinosaur comics. Also, my parents' photos from France. They are plentiful and also pretty and I wish I were in France instead of dying of law, so have a few photos! That way I am not the only one who suffers from Not Being In France.



( IT IS WARM THERE AND EVERYTHING. Why am I not in France D: )

Er. So, you know. Sorry if at any point in this post I sound insane, I promise it's only temporary. Also it is nearly 5am so I cannot be held responsible for my actions at present. Lol I talk like a lawyer already, too bad it won't save me because the exam is going to be multiple choice. And I'm still going to fail!

Er. Bed now, I think.

Blaarg. Today is stupid. I don't know what's wrong but I've gone all emo teenager, and on top of that I feel kind of sickly. Actually, maybe that's why I'm emo and stupid. Aah I don't know!

I am skipping dispute night at my society tonight, even though our dispute leader just sent us first years an email yesterday saying that our participation really hasn't been up to scratch. Whatever, sucks for my dispute cred, I'm getting some sleep tonight. If I go there now I'll probably just vomit and/or cry.

Anyway, enough of that. I have a question! A few entries back, I was all GONNA BUY A CALENDAR, GONNA LEAD AN ORDERLY LIFE FUCK YEAH!
Well, that hasn't happened because of course there isn't a sensible shop out there that still carries calendars post-February, and if they do they are clearance calendars which are on clearance for very good reasons, such as drawings of ugly domesticated animals or huge macro photographs of sunflowers. So, I'm making my own!

I have all the slots filled except for one, and I can't decide between ( these three photos! (For those of you at work: no pron, just bathing suits) )

What do you think, gentle readers? Do I want the victorian drag queens, the flappers riding a dead dinosaur or the sassy beach ladies?

Disclaimer: everyone please feel free to skip this post, it's emo and not particularly interesting. I normally don't like to post when I'm upset because it makes me feel like I'm asking to be coddled and told I'm special or something, but I just really need to vent right now.

I just got home from exam #2, completely convinced that I'd actually done well, for once. They've already published the answers online and it turns out I'd be LUCKY to scrape enough points to even be allowed a resit this year. Jesus Christ, I'm on a roll. What the hell is wrong with me? I studied for this all week. I barely touched my computer, I barely did ANYTHING besides study. This is the third exam I've failed this year. Third out of FOUR. I thought I was supposed to be intelligent.

I flunked my Roman Law exam so badly today that they're not going to let me resit it this year. The law faculty decided to be tougher on its first years to eliminate slackers, and as of this year anyone who scores under 4/10 on an exam has immediately failed that class with no chance of a resit, and will have to retake the entire class in second year. On top of that, they've stopped giving grades with decimal points, so you can't even hope for a 3,6 to pull you through like at school or even, you know, other faculties. The difference between a 4,0 and a 3,0 is one wrong answer. And since I scored 13/30 on the multiple choice test and answered the one open question (which is worth a ton of points) in a way that probably doesn't even apply to this universe.. well. There goes one of my most important resolutions already.

On top of that, my dad will be in hospital tomorrow for a cardiac catheterisation. I'm trying not to let on too much but I'm really, really scared, both of him being that one guy whose catheterisation didn't go right and of the results, which could also be very bad news.

I just.. yeah. Not really feeling like a ray of sunshine just now.