It bugs me that I haven't allowed myself to be creative since I was a kid. It's this insecurity thing, I think - I don't want to make anything that might not be good, so I don't make anything at all. I don't know. It's stupid, because now I get these periods where I feel enormously inspired by pretty much everything and I'm aching to just do something with all the beauty I see, make something out of it, but I don't know how and I don't know where to start so again, I don't.

This happens every few months or so and it's happening again now, so because I don't know how to do anything, don't know what else to do, I just start looking for pretty things aimlessly. Photographs, art, books, music, clothes, posters... whatever. Preferably things I can buy, because then at least I'll have something to show for this stupid mania. I don't know, it's weird. Kind of embarrassing to be so out of touch with things I love that the only way for me to feel okay is to buy them. Eh, I don't know. It's a good thing I'm broke, I guess, that way at least I can't buy too many things I have no use for.

I did buy this:



New winter coat! Totally permitted, because I have been wearing the same one for six years now and I was so sick of it, it was driving me nuts. The fake fur collar comes off and has a regular white collar underneath. I spent a month mooning over this coat, saving up until I had the money to get it. Now it's mine!



Bobby poster! I love this image and I love him and it was cheap. Yes!

I was happy with the way my room looked for a while but now I'm not anymore - it's too empty. I'm probably going to be buying more prints and posters over the next few months to fill out my remaining wall space a little more. I still need a bookcase, but I think that will have to wait until I get some birthday money in December.

In more real life news: tomorrow I'm seeing North By Northwest in the theatre with my dad! It's always exciting when old films are shown in the cinema so I'm looking forward to it.

Then Tuesday I'm going to my nan's to hang out and watch more Bollywood films, including Paheli which I can honestly recommend to everyone, even though Shah Rukh Khan sports a terrifying moustache all throughout it. I love this film and Shah Rukh's part in it so much that even despite the olde timey stache and the turbans the size of baby elephants, I would STILL HIT IT. And that's saying something because men I love suddenly sporting unflattering moustaches usually make me despair. And all that is not to mention Rani, who is pretty as ever and who seems to have a thing for films about ladies doing what they want even when it's not generally considered the traditional thing to do. I love her for that. Anyway, yes, Paheli is great and one day I might picspam it, I dunno.

For starters though have the end credits, which involve an awesome song and dance sequence in which all the main characters are string puppets! I love this particularly because the film is a fairy tale from ~olden times~, so the puppet idea feels extra appropriate, besides being hella cute.



And while I'm at it have my jam for the day, because... anything to make this post less uninteresting, lol.



Okay, end of disjointed entry!

I've finally seen the new Harry Potter film - twice since Wednesday, even! This pleases me greatly because, ngl, I love the shit out of that film. They changed a lot of stuff in ways that make no sense at all, but I have decided that being a book purist would turn me into an eternal grump so I can mostly accept the changes. And guys, guys, seriously, HOW FUCKING GOOD DID THIS MOVIE LOOK? I am a sucker for good design and pretty cinematography, and HBP? Fucking DELIVERED. I love love LOVE the look of it. Also insert obligatory marriage proposals to Arick/Helena B-C/Maggie Smith (shut up okay ilher)/Evanna Lynch/Rupert Grint here. Also, props to Tom Felton for being so surprisingly good that I actually feel the need to mention it here! I was always kind of "eh" about both book-Draco and film-Draco because he didn't strike me as particularly interesting or noteworthy, but this film made me really feel for him more than for many of the other characters, so well done that man! Also also, the kid they cast as Hogwarts-age Voldemort was amazing and creepy, I approve.

In non-HP news, I caught the last half of a talk show interview with Viktor & Rolf on tv this evening. Man I am not proud of most things that come out of the Netherlands, but I have so much everlasting love for Viktor & Rolf, y'all don't even KNOW. I love that they design fierce as hale clothes and aren't afraid to go completely nuts and overboard with their collection themes, and I love that they are GQMFs and smrt and have great taste in basically everything in the world. I did not think my country had what it took to bring forth such fierceness; I see now that I was wrong. I did not know! Anyway, the interview was really A+. They had asked V&R to pick a number of clips to show and discuss - from films, tv shows, documentaries, even commercials, whatever they wanted, and the interview sort of happened around the discussion of those clips and why they chose them. They chose really interesting stuff (Paris is Burning among other things, homg <3), had really on point commentary on gay representation in Dutch and international media, and talked a lot about inspiration and creativity and idk, it was just really wonderful and interesting. I'm gonna see if I can find the entire thing online somewhere so I can watch it from the beginning, and maybe also subtitle and upload it for any non-Dutch people who might want to see it.

By the end of the show I really wanted to hit up style.com and put together a huge V&R picspam, so this is what I am doing! I've got like 150+ images right now though and it's waaay too late for me to finish narrowing it down tonight, but there will be a V&R post tomorrow!

Aaaand lastly, I'm finally putting together my first post for Sachlichkeit, the film blog my bb jahrhundert was sweet enough to let me be a part of! It is going to be a Bollywood primer of sorts (yes, really), which will probably look funny in a sea of posts about films that are generally considered respectable, but I've really wanted to write one for a while now so w/e, I'm going through with it. It is turning out to be REALLY DIFFICULT though because seriously, I am for some reason trying to explain the entire cultural context and system of visual shorthand in Bollywood films AND writing a who's-who and need-to-see film list in a single post? Got damn. I'm trying though, and hopefully it will turn out okay.

OKAY THE END, I am going to bed!

No I'm lying, I feel as though my posts are incomplete without MJ gifs nowadays sooo oblig:



Fierce bitch is fierce. ♥

OKAY BYE. <3

So after about five years of going "gosh I really should..." I finally read Coraline! I know I know, not like it's even long or anything but idk I just never got around to it ok! Having done so now though I feel that I should mention how it is BRILLIANT. ~*Special thanks*~ to my housemate Jonathan for letting me borrow his copy, because otherwise it would probably have taken another 5 years. Soo yes if any of you are even slower than me (doubtful!) and have not read Coraline yet, do it! Neil Gaiman is awesome and this book is proof.

I only just realised that I accidentally planned basically my entire week to consist of movie marathons with a bunch of different people, oops? I'm watching Bollywood films with my nan tomorrow, as-yet-undecided films with a friend on Wednesday, and having a Harry Potter marathon with friends on Thursday because they will be in Denmark when the next one comes out so they need to be ~prepared~. I was going to go to Denmark with them but then I was short on cash, plus the timing was bad. Sadface! Anyway I'm pretty okay with the film marathon week because even though the weather has been really really good lately, apparently a NEVERENDING THUNDERSTORM is about to start tomorrow, so I guess I'll be safely inside during that mess. This is good!

Also, I am still hung up on MJ. This is less good because it means I unleash my MJ-related emo on the world all the time because I am apparently incapable of shutting up, and I am probably boring people slowly to death with it. But WTF IT SUCKS SO BAD. This is seriously longer than I have ever been upset about anyone dying, including relatives of mine. That really kind of disturbs me idk but I can't stop being sad about it? fnas'dkg I don't know, have a damn video of him with a llama being cute because that is all I am good for right now


OKAY THE END. Cry.

So many awesome things going on! IL my life right now.

Firstly of course MY BROTHER PASSED HIS FINAL EXAMS HELL YEAH \o/ he did so well, I am v. v. proud! I want to buy him a gift since I have money again (I spent the last two weeks basically without it, no lie) but I don't know what he waaaaaants D: Possibly I have located the most difficult person in world history to buy presents for. He never wants anything, HOW CAN HE NEVER WANT ANYTHING? Idk idk. I will find him something though, I am determined!

Besides this I have been doing a tiny bit of studying and a lot of hanging around with friends, which is the way I feel things should be since I am at heart a lazy bum. I went to see my housemate Jonathan play Rosalind in an A+ hilarious version of As You Like It, watched Top Hat and a couple of... um, interesting Jason Isaacs films with electricwitch (man Jason Isaacs you know I love you A LOT but I just, I mean, what the fuck), spent time with my family for father's day, and just got back from inspecting fantoom's new crib which IS AMAZING and which I would basically move into asap if it was... not already someone's crib. Also a friend notified me that Regina Spektor is playing a gig in Amsterdam in July so we will be going to see her play next month!! I AM EXCITED.

Idk idk I think my point is that life is rly nice right now? Yay \o/

Also I am the laziest person in the world so I have already shooped three whole pictures of my room into something resembling acceptable quality, and this is them:







More to follow when I am not lazy! I love my room so you're gonna have to put up with a big-ass picspam at some point, guys.

It is rly late though so I'm off to bed now, since tomorrow I am to visit my nan and watch Bollywood films with her HELL YES. It's been too long since I've watched any!