M. ([info]oh__tsarevich) wrote,
@ 2009-06-27 19:20:00
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Entry tags:blarg my health, cheer up emo kid, michael jackson ilu, o no i spent my money

Augh god I'm having a really bad headache right now. I just hope it's because of the warm weather or something, because otherwise it's probably due to the change in my sleeping pattern, which suggests that there will be more headaches in my near future (and frankly, fuck that!)

I've had a sleeping problem for just about as long as I can remember. I finally went to see a doctor about it this month, because after I moved out it escalated from really bad to unmanageable - I couldn't fall asleep before 6-6:30 am, but I couldn't wake up after less than 9 hours of sleep either, which left me with an actually really stable but REALLY FUCKED UP sleeping schedule. I have melatonin pills now, which I use to be able to fall asleep between midnight and 1 am, and I try not to sleep more than 9 hours a night. I've been continuously tired and kind of listless since I started nearly 2 weeks ago, but I'm honestly surprised I'm not feeling worse or having more difficulty keeping this up, since as far as my internal clock is concerned I'm suddenly getting up in the middle of the night all the time and going to sleep mid-afternoon. I just hope the headache isn't going to be a recurring theme, because HELL NO. Anyway yes, I just wanted to mention this here because it's kind of a big deal to me, and honestly I'm pretty proud of myself! I'd almost resigned myself to ending up as a night porter or some shit, but now it turns out I'm capable of fixing this!

In other news, I am still shockingly upset about Michael Jackson. I really don't know what happened there - I mean, I love his music and I've always been incapable of hearing sad life stories like his without getting way too upset, but his death has hit me waaaay harder than I would have expected. I can't get it out of my head, idk. It's really confusing to me to be this upset for this long. Blargh I don't know. Dammit MJ :(

Okay I am done with the emo talk now, promise! In happier news I went shopping with Renée today which was nice, even though I didn't buy anything downtown. The weather was nice and I saw lots of pretty things, so that was fine. We made an order off Modcloth when we got back though and I got REALLY BRILLIANT THINGS which I have been lusting after for months now:







Yay, pretty things \o/


Oh damn now they're showing really old MJ videos on tv and I'm all :((( again. OKAY OVER AND OUT before this post gets even whinier!


(21 comments) - (Post a new comment)


[info]purpledeath
2009-06-27 06:34 pm UTC (link)
oh leuk!! jij hebt echt zulke geweldige smaak ^_^

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[info]oh__tsarevich
2009-06-28 09:50 am UTC (link)
Dankjewel! :D Ook wel dure smaak, helaas :')

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[info]purpledeath
2009-06-28 12:26 pm UTC (link)
herkenbaar;)

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[info]stoppingpolaris
2009-06-27 06:49 pm UTC (link)
You have such good taste!
I'm sorry about your sleeping problems/glad you're figuring them out! I hope things get better! Exclamation mark!

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[info]oh__tsarevich
2009-06-28 09:52 am UTC (link)
Thank you! I normally avoid modcloth because hello expensive dresses and enormous international shipping charges, but I couldn't resist D: I am a slave to consumerism, it is sad.

Thanks :) I'm definitely hopeful about the sleeping, I just hope I can keep this up!

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[info]greatloyalty
2009-06-27 06:50 pm UTC (link)
MJ's death saddens me too. The media is going crazy.

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[info]oh__tsarevich
2009-06-28 09:55 am UTC (link)
Oh, for real. I don't even want to read anything about him right now because people are being so callous. I guess it's easier to just make a caricature of him and then point and laugh, but I really can't stand that. :(

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[info]ceridwen_amyed
2009-06-27 07:02 pm UTC (link)
I hope your sleeping problems can be sorted soon! Internal clocks are bitches, but I'm sure you can train it to be your bitch! :)

Unf, I love all those pretty things - especially those shoes! I've seen them before and I want them so badly. Stupid high shipping costs. :/

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[info]oh__tsarevich
2009-06-28 09:56 am UTC (link)
Haha, I love how you phrased that! It's certainly my bitch for the moment - I just hope I can keep that up! That would be the biggest relief ever.

Oh I know, modcloth shipping costs are insane. I don't think I would ever even have considered ordering from them if I didn't have a housemate to split the costs with!

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[info]hellobedlam
2009-06-27 08:53 pm UTC (link)
Wonky sleep can REALLY mess you up. I was suffering last month, and it was pretty horrible :( Glad you're fixing those sleep issues, though! :)

Those are the most delicious shoes evar <3
I'm not watching TV at all.

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[info]oh__tsarevich
2009-06-28 10:01 am UTC (link)
I'm sorry you suffered from that as well, I know how awful it can be! I hope it's all fixed now. <3 I'm definitely doing well so far, I just hope I can keep this up!

I know, I'm so in love with them! I always fail at finding good sandal type shoes because I'm so picky, but I love these SO MUCH.

I'd avoided MJ news all day, but our national music channel was playing nothing but his videos all day, and even though watching it made me sad I couldn't stop watching because somehow that felt even worse. :( I'm so weird sometimes, lol.

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[info]jahrhundert
2009-06-28 12:39 am UTC (link)
I'm glad that you're sorting out your sleeping issues! Hopefully your body will eventually just be tired when it needs to be :)

The news about MJ is upsetting. I was really into him when I was young since my parents were MJ fans, but I sort of stopped listening to his stuff as I got older. Nonetheless, he's an amazing performer and it's such a shame that he passed away. Did you see pictures from Hollywood near his star? It's INSANE and his CDs are sold out in Amoeba (big music store in California).

Yay pretty things. You're so fashionable ;_;

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[info]oh__tsarevich
2009-06-28 10:06 am UTC (link)
I'm so glad about it as well! Currently I think my body isn't entirely sure how to react - sometimes I don't get tired at all before I take my melatonin, but sometimes I'm barely functional by 9 pm, and even then I'll still need to take my pills because otherwise I'll be lying in bed dead tired but completely unable to sleep! I think my body will catch up with me eventually though, haha.

My parents never really listened to MJ so I found out about him sort of on my own, but I just love his music so much, and everything he did for dance and the music industry, and I always get so sad hearing about the crappy life he's had. :( I'm pretty sure his CDs must be selling out everywhere right now! It's understandable but I always feel kind of sad that people never start showing how much they really appreciate an artist until right after that person is dead, so they can't even be there to see it! Not just MJ either, it happens every time an artist dies.

Aww thank you! I try, haha. I should really stay away from Modcloth though because the dresses and shipping costs are SO EXPENSIVE!

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[info]jahrhundert
2009-06-28 07:57 pm UTC (link)
Yikes! It sucks that you can't even fall asleep when you're tired. Is there a reason why this is happening? Did you just royally screw up your sleeping cycle for a long time or did this happen suddenly? Either way I hope things work out :( Sleep is important!

His dance moves and contributions to music are amazing. You're right that it's sad that people don't appreciate him until he dies. I really didn't care much about MJ's supposed weird stories and I even got made fun of for liking him so it shocked me that many people are truly upset about this. What makes me truly upset are the people who are like, "I AM SO GLAD HE DIED, THAT PEDO!" 1) He's probably not a pedo. 2) WHAT THE HELL?! Someone died; how can you even say that?
There was a guy in my German class who was happy that MJ died. The whole class pretty much glared at him.

You're doing a great job trying then! I've been meaning to buy stuff from Modcloth but always shirked away due to the prices. Are their clothes good quality?

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[info]oh__tsarevich
2009-06-28 10:22 pm UTC (link)
I've had my sleeping problem ever since I can remember, and my parents assure me that it was going on even before my first memories of it, haha. It was kept under some control at home at least because my parents dragged me out of bed for school every day, so while I always fell asleep too late and was dead tired all day, at least I got up on time. It got worse and worse through high school to the point where I couldn't function without afternoon naps because I was just so tired all day, but even if I skipped those I still couldn't sleep any earlier. It all escalated when I moved out because now I don't even have anyone to drag my ass out of bed anymore :')

I guess I understand that people who did like MJ kept quiet about it because it was kind of not done after the child molestation charges and everything, but it really does seem like a whole lot of people have suddenly converted now he's dead :/ people's responses to celebrity and the media are hella weird, that's all I can deduce from this really. And ugh, I know what you mean - I don't understand people who can be so callous about someone's death. Especially someone who, regardless of what he may or may not have done to those children, had the kind of life that surpasses most horror stories. I just don't get it :( I am such a sap though so maybe it's just me. I'm still really upset even now.

This was actually my first Modcloth order, so I can't tell you much about that! It'll be about a month until I know - my housemate ordered from them once before and the package took about that long to arrive, but I can let you know what the quality is like once I get my stuff, if you want?

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[info]jahrhundert
2009-06-30 07:01 pm UTC (link)
This makes me sad :( I don't even know what to say because I feel bad and upset that you can't sleep. Being a lover of sleep, I wouldn't be able to stand not falling asleep. Let's just hope for the best!

I agree that people's reactions are DEFINITELY weird. Maybe people are just going with the crowd? Nah, you're not a sap! I agree that anyone's death isn't something that should be turned into a mockery or an opportunity to make fun of someone. I was excited to read about MJ's come back and then he died. Just a few days before his death I was reading about him and hoping that maybe I'll see MJ live (despite ridiculous ticket prices) and then I hear that he is dead. It's upsetting that this happened right when he was about to resume his career.

Post about your pretty dress when you get it! I shall look forward to seeing pictures of you looking awesome in your adorable dress.

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[info]oh__tsarevich
2009-06-30 08:09 pm UTC (link)
Aww please don't be sad on my behalf! <3 I did always sleep enough (since I love it too), just not at the right times, haha. I was pretty much used to it by age 14 anyway, and I'm getting better now. So it's all good! :D

I've been reading quite a few of the comments on MJ posts on ONTD, and as far as I can tell a lot of people pretty much ARE 'converting' now - in the sense that they used to be like "lol MJ looks funny therefore he is clearly a creepy pedo, HATEFUL JOKE TIME" but, after seeing more of the footage and articles that fans were posting after his death, came to the conclusion that they were basically wrong and mean because MJ was a sweetheart, and now they feel really guilty. At least that's something, I guess? I'll honestly admit that I was in camp "don't talk about your love of MJ" basically always, because nobody I knew really agreed with me, but I don't think I was ever mean about him after I grew a brain at age 15ish. And I agree that his dying now, of all times, is really extra upsetting. :( I JUST WISH HE HAD DONE THE CONCERTS AND MADE A TRIUMPHANT COMEBACK WITH EVERYBODY LOVING HIM GOD IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK D: sad sad sad.

I'll definitely post about it, because I will be excited as hell! I keep meaning to start doing outfit posts regularly even, but I can't figure out how to take self-timer shots that don't suck :') one day though!

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[info]jahrhundert
2009-07-01 12:17 am UTC (link)
Yay for getting better! *throws e-confetti*

Yeah, appreciating him after he died is better than making callous jokes. I never really got into ONTD so I didn't see the MJ posts. I was talking to a classmate of mine and we decided that all those pedo charges were false and that MJ probably just likes to be around children and make them happy because he had such a terrible childhood himself. I know Macaulay Culkin (sp?) isn't the best example, but he always stood up for MJ and he knew him since he was young. I think it's the media distorting whatever MJ was doing to make him look bad. I do wish he had that come back so that at least he can die happy knowing that he still has many fans who adore him. Damn, I sure do wish that he knew how much he was appreciated and didn't die depressed.

When I see pictures I took with a self-timer, I always say, "Am I that ugly?! JESUS NO WONDER MY MOM CALLS ME FAT." I swear that I didn't look so ugly when I looked in the mirror :( I bet that all your outfits are awesome anyway and you can join the "sucky self-timer shots" group :)

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[info]oh__tsarevich
2009-07-02 12:12 pm UTC (link)
Yay indeed :D

I definitely agree - I also read somewhere that MJ was psychologically examined at the time of the first accusations, and the diagnosis was basically that he'd mentally regressed to the age of 10, which just explains so much. He was just a big kid really. And one of the cheering things I heard (which I just hope was true because a lot of people are writing nonsense articles and completely making up interviews-with-close-friends now) was that MJ was really really excited and happy about the tour, especially because it sold out in like half a minute, and that he was all "omg yay my fans still exist, THEY STILL LOVE ME, YAY FOREVER". I hope so hard that that's true and that he felt good that day <3

Haha oh man same here! My face and body always look SO bad and weird in pictures - I always feel fine about myself when I look in the mirror, but then I try to take a self-timer shot and I'm all WHAT THE HELL DDDD: because I look like a monster :') I'll find an angle that makes me look normal though! I hope, anyway :')

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[info]briarandrose
2009-06-28 08:10 am UTC (link)
I hope the melatonin does help you get your sleeping straightened out - it sounds like a good start, anyway! It's inspiring that you found something helpful - my sleeping is pretty much the same (going to sleep between 4 and 6 in the morning [it's after 4 now and I'm wide awake!]and just being *insanely tired* all day) and I totally know how crazy and miserable it can make you.

Hope the headaches aren't related though - they are so debilitating also, and it's no fun to have to choose between headaches and bad sleeping patterns.

Modcloth always has such lovely things. I love those sandals - I'm not often a fan of sandals, but I like how those are like spats-sandals!

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[info]oh__tsarevich
2009-06-28 10:09 am UTC (link)
I'm really happy to finally be working on my sleeping - it's been really bad for years and years now and it's so wonderful to find out that I can fix it! I'm sorry you have the same problem though, I know how horrible it is. :( I hope it gets better for you, too!

Oh I know, I love that they are basically spats! I've been wanting a pair of spats pretty much since I learned that they existed but I still haven't got any, haha. These will do nicely in the meantime though! I usually have such a hard time finding summer shoes because I always feel like flat shoes make me look weird and I don't normally like sandals either, but these are perfect!

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